I know the tears are on their way....

As August comes to a close, I know that September is about to be sprung upon us. I can not fathom how fast this year has gone so far. It is crazy; we are on the final leg. And as September comes crashing towards me like the vicious waves crashing and rippling through the calming oceans surface, my thoughts turn to Green Day's song; "Wake me up when September ends". 

For the past few years September hasn't really had a meaning or much room in my head; only feeling slight sadness that summer is over, mixed with the excitement that Christmas is on its way. Before that, I always had university, or school, so September always meant the return of the academic year and I would remember good old Green Day and wish for September to just be done and dusted already. I always dreaded the first few days back, it would crawl up on me like an unwanted bug and all I wanted to do was squash it back down and forget. But I couldn't, so like everyone, I would go back to school or university and once you're back its like riding a bike. The routine soon becomes snug and once September has come and gone it's the familiar exciting countdown to Christmas. 

September has a whole new meaning this year, and it's almost upon me now. When the month turns to September, I know the tears are coming. They will come and fill my weary eyes, causing tears to splash down my face, soaking my cheeks and splashing my clothes. The tears will come, they will feel unbearable, slightly embarrassing and unstoppable. Just like those school days though, I will soon get used to it and it will stop, as if there was never an issue. 

The tears are coming because soon I will be stood at that school gate waving at my little man as he embarks on his first day of school. The excitement for him will be unreal, he is already constantly asking when he can go. The tears though, will be all too much for me as I wish for those baby days to come back. The time has flown by, it barely seems possible that my baby is old enough for school. So, the tears will come, because I will be sad, sad that the years disappeared quicker than free doughnuts in the break room at work. I will be sad that my days won't be filled with watching my beautiful first born playing and exploring his environment. 

The tears are also for worry. I have so many worries; will he be ok? Will he be hungry? Will they give him enough water? Will he fit in, make friends or be bullied? Will he miss us? Will he be happy and have fun? Will he understand what is ahead of him, that the days of playing at pre-school are behind him? So many questions, so many worries and only time will resolve them. I know we will be fine, and by the time September has come and gone we will be fitting in to the routine as if it had always been that way, then we will be counting down to half term, Halloween, Bonfire Night and Christmas. 

But for now, let me have my tears. Let me shed them. As I have done on and off through the summer at the mere thought of my clever, beautiful child stood in his full uniform. Where did the years go? They evaporated too quickly. I know he's ready, but I'm not. Soon I won't be all he needs with his brother, I'll just be a part of his day. 

I've asked him before, "What will I do when you're at school? 

His simple answer- "You still have Dylan here" 

So I asked him, "Won't you miss Mummy?" 

His answer- "Yes but I have my teachers, silly" 

He is ready, more than ready but I somehow don't think parents ever really are. I have to put my trust in his school and in his teachers, that he will have a happy and joyful experience of the education system in the UK. 

So, please wake me up when September ends, because this is going to be a tough one. 

Is your child starting school for the first time this year? How does it make you feel? Excited or scared? Pop a comment below, I'd love to hear from you. 

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