Having children is an adventure, parenthood is unlike anything else you will do in your lifetime. There are some amazing things that you can do with your children, like being able to fulfil that urge to climb onto soft play equipment while 'helping your child climb too'. There's the memorable moments, like the first time you bath your baby, or spoon feed him. But life cannot all be good, there is some sort of balance. Life with children can be hard. Really really hard. Sometimes you just want to scream and reach for that bottle of wine that is chilling in the fridge. Usually these urges come during what I like to call 'The Impossible Tasks'. I've decided to list these tasks below;
1. Nail Cutting. Kids do not like having their nails cut. At all. I try my very hardest to make it a fun game but all it takes is one nail to be cut too short accidentally, and it sets back all of your hard work on taking the fear out of the task. The alternative of tackling them isn't much better as soon long nails will be digging into your face, pulling down and leaving you with sore scars on your cheeks.
2. Getting Their Hair Cut. My eldest was born with a head full of hair, which means that within his first year, my Mum had cut his hair four times before I decided to take him to a professional salon whilst I had my hair done around his first birthday. He went a few more times and I was too smug about how he handled having his hair cut. This is no more. At all. After a few professional cuts he freaked out and now whenever the locks get too long, it is a constant battle that I have no chance of winning. My Mum has gone back to doing it after a kicking and screaming fit in a salon. We attempt it when he's in the bath, sleeping, distracted by an i-pad. Its lose lose for us. It's safe to say that I am a little terrified about the upcoming hair appointment I booked for him from a lady that will come to our house this month. Keep your fingers crossed for us, thank you kindly.
3. Face Wiping. Wiping their face is a necessity, especially when their noses are dripping and bubbling with snot or their mouth is covered in chocolate and in danger of transferring onto all the possible surfaces. The minute they even gage that you are holding a wipe and are coming for their face, they run and the screams begin.
4. Phone Calls. Ask any parent; children can be calm, collected and under control, but the minute you pick up a phone for a call, it all changes. The phone rings and its something fairly important, like a doctor phoning you back, or a company you need to give details to and concentrate on and it is mayhem. All that happens while you are on the phone is noise. Constant noise, so much so that you can't hear the other person as you try and explain that you will phone back another time. Instead, the noise erupts from your children as they fight each other and throw toys at the TV.
5. Cooking A New Nutritious Recipe. Ever gone on BBC Good Food? Or flicked open that recipe in your healthy cook book that you got last year? You fancy making a new nutritious meal, imagine that calming healthy environment your family will be in and you spend the whole time with a screaming toddler on your hip while food spills out across your kitchen like a disease spreading, contaminating your clean surfaces and giving you so much clearing up to do its unreal. The hubby's gone on a run and you end up missing out on a vital ingredient as your toddler distracted you with a 5 minute search for a toy he needed NOW. Then you serve up this meal you have literally shed tears over, and hear the dreaded four letter word; "YUCK".
6. Having A Peaceful Bath. Bath time with bubbles, Prosecco, beautiful smells and relaxing music is a thing of the past. Expect at bath time to have your 2 year old join you and try to wash you as they can't resist the bubbles, your 3 year old decide that your bath time is the perfect time to have a poop in the bathroom toilet and so much noise to occur that it has the opposite effect of relaxation. It'll be quick and not worth the gorgeous bath bomb you dropped in. In fact, its best just to forget about baths until the kids are older, much older. I think I shall make do with the quick showers in which I imagine children crying just to make sure I'm faster.
7. Keeping A Clean Tidy House. This tends to only be possible when the children are finally asleep in bed. As soon as you finish tidying one area, or one room, you can turn around to see a fresh mess that your tornado toddler has created for you.
8. Toilet Time. Children like to watch you and torment you while you are trying to use the toilet. It's the ideal time for them to climb and cry, wanting to cling to you for comfort. It couldn't be at a more inconvenient time. To pee or poop in peace would be a pleasure.