My Constant Battle With Time As A Mother

As a Mother, I find myself constantly torn between the house work, chores, errands and spending time with my two boys. I admit sometimes I don't let the latter win enough. So I find myself constantly asking the question of when.

When did you get so big? When did those trousers stop fitting? When did you learn to draw that? When did you learn to say that?

Then it dawns on me, I missed the first time. I missed their growth. 

I found once my boys reached the age when the big firsts had happened; walking, talking, crawling, I didn't realise there was a thousand more firsts. Some I've been happy enough to see, like the first time my eldest did a wee stood up "just like Daddy" or when my youngest first took his socks off and showed me his feet proudly. Others I missed. And I blame myself and my battle with time. 

But what can I do? It's pointless self hating. The past is gone and I am thankful for the time I've had to notice most firsts but I need to change the future. I need to change the way I parent, just a bit, because I know there is still plenty more firsts to be had. Children grow far too quickly. Time goes far too quickly. My first pregnancy seemed to drag on forever, as I just couldn't wait to be a Mother. Once he arrived, time seemed to speed up and it accelerates even more each day. 

I long for a Bernard's Watch.

I'd be able to pause those truely special moments and take a memory snapshot, because sometimes those moments go too quickly and you just long for them back. I'm not on about anything fancy, just to be able to pause those times where you look at yourself as a Mother, or a family just laying together and you think how awesome is this?! I could not want or love anything more.

I'd be able to go back to those times I wish I'd held onto more, or the mistakes I've made as a Mother. Like the times I have snapped at my eldest for going on at me to do something whilst I felt flustered about an adult chore. Instead of snapping, I could change it and focus on my child because everything else can wait. Most of the time.

I'd also pause time so I can get those pesky tasks done. If I didn't have so much washing, folding, cleaning and cooking to do, I'd have more time to notice the firsts. The giggles. Their childhood. I could also possibly, just, possibly, fast forward through those screaming toddler tantrums, the time the toddler pees on the floor or poops in the bath or the time they decide to sprawl out in a shop and refuse to move.

I need to realise that some chores can wait until they're in bed, some can wait till they're occupied. But when my child asks me to stack the cups for the 50th time? Let's do that. Because the to do list I was about to write and then the Facebook I was about to go on as a form of procrastination can wait. Both can be done later or tomorrow. Some chores can be done as a family, my kids love fetching the socks out of the tumble drier and pairing them up for me.

I realise now that time isn't about to slow down. There is no Bernards Watch to help me save those special moments or rewind when I realise I didn't spend enough time with my children, or that I missed the first time they learnt something new. I understand that I'm not a super hero, I can't be there all of the time to see it all and the jobs and chores do still need doing. But I've realised I need to balance it out more, before I ask the when question anymore, for my own sake, not just the children. 

I need a balance, a balance between having enough time to nurture and watch my children grow with my time and my presence, I need time to do the housework and the washing but I also completely believe in each day having time as a couple and to yourself. To appreciate my husband and to make time to appreciate myself. If I can have a simple 10 minutes to sit and do something I enjoy each day, I believe I can be happier and less stressed and perhaps then things will run smoother, be less rushed. 

The above is almost impossible to balance, though. There never seems to be enough hours in the day. Or there never is enough days in the week. That is why, as a Mother, I will constantly battle with time. 

Do you find that time is your own worst enemy? Pop a comment below, I'd love to hear from you. 

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