Why This Week Was Incredibly Tough For Me, As A Mother

I wrote a lot of this blog post in a moment of pure honesty, from the bottom of my heart, from the sunken tired eyes which were pouring tears. My nose was running, my face was wet not only with the tears that had flowed down my face but from the snot my 20 month old had wiped down my cheek. I wrote this feeling exhausted, wanting to pull my hair out and just say "Sod it all" and go and tuck myself into bed. Alone. I wrote this so openly because I feel that parenting is a beautiful thing, but for you to embrace it all, you need to embrace the bad bits too. I had a bad week, a bad bad week. 

It all started a week ago on a Thursday. The boys spent the morning wrestling, eating their apples and raisins, rolling about joyfully. I was cramming in some last minute house work, excited about my impending evening with my best friend. Who doesn't need some girly chatter from time to time? I gave them their lunch, my eldest kept coughing and whinging on and off. All of a sudden his coughing got worse and all of his pasta that he had just digested came up again. All over the sofa and himself. He's panicking/ half chocking on the remainder in his mouth and I don't do sick. However, being the only adult about, I remain calm, clean him and the sofa up, while a clinging teething toddler screams at me to be held. (Thank goodness by the way for wipe able sofas) It just got worse from there. More coughing fits and sick throughout the day and one exhausted Mummy who had spent the previous night up from 3-4:30am with a playful 20 month old. The next day my eldest was begging to go shopping. We stupidly listened and took him. He then spent the rest of the afternoon exhausted and hadn't eaten all day, nor the night before. The not eating finally ceased on the Sunday where he kept snacking through the day, until another coughing fit fuelled by a screaming fit over me holding his brother ended that and he threw up all over again, not before trying to swallow it all. 

I had 4 days of worrying, taking him to the doctors and feeling helpless as my little boy just sat on the sofa. He didn't eat, barely drank, didn't care for what was on TV, didn't play, hardly spoke and didn't even want the iPad! My youngest came down with it on the Saturday, luckily no sick from him. 

Still, he was really poorly from the Saturday to the following Thursday. That made 8 days in total of caring for poorly children, whilst my husband and I suffered too. On my worst day, I had to suffer without any pain relief and decongestants for hours. Instead I held my sleeping, sweaty 20 month old, feeling sorry for myself, sobbing. 

I had about 8 sleep disturbed nights in total. The hubby slept on the floor while I was in the middle of my bed, soothing my babies. When one stopped a coughing fit or crying, the next started. They fought over my attention all day and all night. I was probably getting an hour at the most in one go sleep for 8 nights in total.

Just when I thought my eldest was on the up from the Monday, he took a nap on Tuesday and woke screaming in pain about his ear for 4 hours. Of course, an ear infection would make my week, which is what he then went to the doctors and got prescribed antibiotics for. 

I've had snot coughed into my face, into my mouth. Snot wiped over copious amounts of clothing and all over my furniture. 

I had to hold my child while having a wee. I can't tell you how hard it was to pull my pants up whilst he clung to my shoulders, I've washed up with him practically sat in the sink. Being poorly sucks, but looking after a family and a household to maintain sucks further. Winter germs feel like the worst. I felt drained and I did not enjoy much of that week. I'd barely seen friends, which makes you start to feel a bit cut off from the world. I was in the land of the sick. 

This was my honest brutal post on why this week has sucked. I was exhausted. My head pounded and ears rang from the screams that echoed from my children. My lips were dry, but I couldn't move to get a lip balm. Parenting is putting our babies first and I have certainly done that this past week. I was exhausted and for some reason I had to write down my thoughts and feelings so I could also let the world know. I strive to make my blog one which embraces the bad with the good. I want to highlight the literally crappy times to make sure that parents know it isn't all bliss. There are bad bad times. Bad bad weeks. But do you know what? You make it through. Somehow. 

My children have spent the last five days now happy and hyper. Just in time for Advent. Seeing them playing nicely together, running about, eating and sleeping just makes you realise you did it, you survived and now you can enjoy the good times even more. 

All that love you have for your children, the maternal drive that keeps you going will help see you out of whatever situation you are in. I don't care if it looks like I was a wimp in a week where I felt weak and worried. Compared to my usual weeks, it was a rubbish week and at times I cried and I just wanted someone to tell me it was going to be ok. So that's what I'm telling you now. If you are having a tricky week, just like I did, where it feels that there is no light at the end of it, you'll be ok. Everything will be ok. This will pass. In the mean time, let's be there for each other when we need a helping hand. 

Have you had a poorly family recently? What were your tips on making it through? Pop a comment below, I'd love to hear from you. 

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