How I Feel As The Seasons Change

I have felt so sick and fed up with the rain lately. Where did our summer go? No one warned me that one day the sun wasn't going to be shining without a cloud in the sky, no one warned me that I wouldn't be able to enjoy hanging my washing out on the line soon. I love the smell of fresh washing that has spent the day airing in the cool summer breeze. I hate the smell of damp washing. Washing that has been placed on radiators around the house, radiators that can not be put on still as the house is still muggy and humid. Summer is almost over, you can feel it in the air, see it in the weather changing and I notice fresh acorns littering my decking garden each morning. Autumn is on its way.

With each seasonal change, I usually have a whole house sort out. I do this slowly, over a few weeks but I always feel so ready for the coming season. I feel that the place has had a freshen up and declutter. With all this miserable weather, I decided to start this process a little sooner to give myself something to do on one particularly rainy afternoon. I decided to start with the children's clothes. It took me hours and has really made me reflect. 

When did they grow so much? 

As I pulled the items of much loved and stained clothing from the shelves and drawers, I held them up imagining the items to still be big compared to each child. They weren't. There was items of clothing that my youngest hadn't even got round to wearing yet, he had some warmer clothing that he never needed over the summer. It was a shock, to place the clothing against his little body and realise he was miles too big for it. When did he grow miles? When did my little baby get so big? He is now a full on toddler. With tantrums and the lark.

In the end I got rid of 6 bags out of their wardrobes and drawers. I felt saddened to see this pile of clothing go, it wasn't just clothing to me. It was a bunch of memories and feelings I had to place into bags. Clothing was being flung that had not only seen my youngest Son's baby year, but also my eldest's. I now longed for that clothing to be back on their body, to embrace them and tell them how much I love them. To kiss their newborn fingers and toes. Although each parent wants their child to grow healthy and happy and reach a ripe old age, with each passing of stage a parent has to learn to let go a little bit more. Seeing all of these clothes in the bags, outfits I had loved so much, whether they had looked completely adorable in them, or whether they just held special memories; I wasn't just learning to let go of the clothing, I was having to let go a little bit more of my babies.

My youngest isn't a little baby anymore, as much as I think it most of the time. He's now a toddler. He wants so badly to talk and is constantly trying to tell me things, I need to learn to listen more and let him explore more, not grasp onto him as a baby. He wants to be a bit more independent. 3 months ago when summer started, he wasn't as adventurous as he is now and wasn't giving everything in sight kisses. With change, they stop doing certain things and start learning new things.

My eldest was potty trained at the beginning of the summer. He's had no accidents for weeks and weeks now and has been dry at night for almost 2 months. He has also learnt about so much in the world and I can now have amazing conversations with him. He used to throw a tantrum at the conveyor belt in the supermarket as he thought the staff would steal his magazine or sweets, now he happily hands it over and waits. For us this is a welcome change.

Last week he progressed to a big boy bed; a single bed and my youngest moved into a toddler bed. The cot has gone. It hasn't quite hit me yet. It's always been around, for 3 and a half years it has been in a bedroom in a home of mine. Now it's gone. The baby part of my boys lives have come and gone. They are both toddler boys. They are a handful but they are my lovable handful of tantrums and tears, giggles and smiles.

I wish time would slow down, I can't seem to catch my breathe before they change again. They grow out of clothes, they grow out of beds, toys, their tastes change, their language and understanding of the world develops. I have to learn to let go a bit less with each of them.

Each season that passes, a part of their childhood passes. This summer marked our first family holiday and it was amazing. I find it hard to let go easily when a season changes now as I am so aware of this concept. The clothes are a reminder that they are growing and they are growing fast. As a season ends, a new one begins. A new chapter in their life. This autumn marks my eldest's first term at pre-school. He starts this week, so I have to learn to embrace the here and now. When I bag the clothes up I take a heavy sigh that signals the sadness I feel as a parent that my children are growing too fast, but to let go. Not because I don't care, but because I do. I have to look at the change in season, the changes in their life as an important part of their future. They are excited and I should be too.

I have had time to reflect and gasp at their outgrown clothes in shock that they really did grow that much in 3 months. I look forward now to the next part, the rest of their toddler years. The next part starts with the autumn. I can't wait to start buying Christmas presents, to run through a pile of leaves on the floor and to go shopping to buy their new wardrobe- they are in desperate need now for new clothes! My Son will be coming home and telling me of his adventures at pre-school, I know he will love it. My youngest will hopefully start drinking less milk at night (he's a milk monster.) Halloween, bonfire night- they're just round the corner. To get there we have to embrace this change. Embrace our children. They will never be this young again, you will never get those years back so make the most of them while you can. Don't be afraid of the future, it can be whatever we make it.

Think back to 3 months ago. What has your child learnt to do since then? What were they doing that they've stopped now? Now think about the next 3 months, think about how it will fly and how they will change again. Embrace it all. You can't change the past, but you can change the future. So stop worrying, stop stressing. Just go with it.

How does the seasonal changes make you feel? Pop a comment below, I'd love to hear from you. 

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