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How It Felt When I Became An Aunty

When I found out that my sister was pregnant, I was excited for her, happy for her. But I didn't really know what it meant for me. Perhaps it meant nothing. Afterall, I have two beautiful babies of my own. Even if they are all child aged now. 

It then dawned on me after a few days that I was going to be an Aunty. The only person in my family to not have a title like this yet. An Aunty. A new role for me as a person. And my husband would be an uncle. This was both suddenly exciting and interesting for us. 

As the weeks went by I was then excited by the fact that this would be a new addition to the family. A play mate for my boys. And then when I saw the scan my eyes welled up. I got emotional. Happy emotional. This tiny little baby on the ultra sound scan picture was MY niece or nephew. Blood. And I felt love. Already. I felt the tears prick my eyes. Loving tears. Excited tears. I just looked at it and thought, "I'm going to love you. And so are my boys" I knew that we …

On The Worst Days

We all have bad days. They range from mild ones, where you forget to make the pack up the night before so spend the morning rushing around and then the remainder of the day looking frazzled, to the medium ones where you pop to Morrisons for a couple of items and end up having to remortgage your home, whilst the kettle breaks down and your child throws the biggest tantrum in public. Then there are just the worst days. Which, I have had a lot of lately. 

But even on those worst days, where you worry about problems your children are facing, health concerns are in the family and there are plenty of other things causing an insane amount of stress, there is hope. 

I remember how I felt when I lost my first baby. It is something that pops into my head from time to time, I don't think the pain of losing a child will ever truly disappear, even if they were never really 'here'. I felt like someone had torn my heart right out of my chest. Then I felt numb. I ached to rewind time, to figure out what I had done wrong. I wanted to know why I had lost the baby I had wanted so dearly. I thought I would never be blessed with a baby, that for whatever reason I was not worthy of having one. 

Now at the end of each and every day, I can see how lucky I am. I am so grateful. I know that at the end of every day that one thing stands.... 

I am a Mother. I am a good Mother. 

That may sound big- headed. It is not meant to sound like that. I am just confident that at the end of every day, I know that I have done everything in my power to be a good Mum and that I give so much love to my little men. 

My wish came true. 

I became a Mum. I will always make sure that I continue to be the best possible one. Don't get me wrong, I know we all have moments when we lose our patience and grace. We all have moments where we yell and use bribes as the best way to get some peace in the house. I am definitely guilty of this. I am so blessed though to even be a Mum, I am so thankful. I did not think I would ever be worthy to have a child of my own, to raise them and love them. Sometimes, I still do not think I am. For whatever reason though, I am lucky enough to have two beautiful brilliant boys.

That right there. I have two beautiful brilliant boys. That little statement. It means everything.

It means that even on those worst of worse days, I am still so lucky and blessed. It means that I can just look at their innocent gorgeous faces and know that I have a good life.

So that is what I do on the worst days. I steal more cuddles and kisses from them and I just look at them, I remind myself how lucky I am every day. Even on the worst days.

What gets you through your worst days? Feel free to leave a comment in the box below. 

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